I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize