i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
