Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
