don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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