Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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