ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
