I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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