The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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