I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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