just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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