R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
