Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
