carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
there is glitter all over my balls
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