Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
