shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
