bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
