found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You can't special order awesome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
