I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
