Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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