How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
