I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
