i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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