I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
