those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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