It was confusing and full of hummus
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
