I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
