I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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