he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
