Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
