He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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