fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
