paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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