tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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