i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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