How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
