do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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