Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
