just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize