I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize