Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want her autograph on my taint
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
