i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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