you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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