the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
