My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
