If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
