I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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