Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
