WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she peed on how many people?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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