My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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