You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
