I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
