Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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