Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
