I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and she was petting her beer can
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
