I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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