Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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