I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
