she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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