I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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