I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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