she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
