we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you inspire me to be a worse person
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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