I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
