I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
