I want to walk on stilts...naked
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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