is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
two words...techno handjob
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
