Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
