so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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