I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
