Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
