the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
