Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
