Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
