Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
