Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
